bonus

Bonus Episode: Peeping

In which I ramble about Icelandic grocery stores, job search fatigue, generational swearing, Hurricane Sandy, social media burnout, and the origin of my crayon costume collection.

Please show some support for the podcast and get access to some extra content by subscribing to the Patreon page: http://www.patreon.com/onefjef

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Email: onefjefpod@gmail.com

You can also call the podcast and leave a voicemail at 1-669-241-5882 and I will probably play it on the air.

Thank you for listening, please do it again, but while eating puffin meat.

Onefjef is produced, edited & hosted by Jef Taylor.

Transcript
Speaker:

Hello my friends, is yet another bonus episode.

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Bing bing bing bing bing.

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Bonus, bonus, bonus.

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I need sound effects.

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Another bonus episode of 1F Jeff.

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For your listening pleasure, for your ear pleasure, for your brain pleasure.

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A lot of people say that you should not release podcast episodes on a Friday or Saturday

or Sunday because you know,

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People are busy and won't listen to it, so forth and so on.

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But you know what?

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I don't care.

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I'm releasing this on a Friday.

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To hell with the naysayers.

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So yeah, this is just an intro, I guess, but I guess I'll use it as a chance to talk.

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I guess I already am talking.

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It's Thursday afternoon, uh November or something, something, early November.

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It's starting to get cold.

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The leaves are definitely now falling off the trees.

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Although it's very late this year.

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But I took a walk earlier today and uh yeah, peak leaf peeping, which is a phrase that I

really don't care for, leaf peeping.

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Who did that?

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Who came up with this?

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Can we come up with something like a little bit more like, ugh.

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I can't think of anything offhand, but if you have any suggestions for alternate phrases

for leaf peeping.

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Email them to me at 1fjeffpod.gmail.com.

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trying to think of one right now.

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Like, foliage.

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I'm trying to not use swear words because of my mother's feedback, which I think you'll

actually hear about later in this episode.

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So that's confusing for you, isn't it?

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But, you know, it's something to look forward to.

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It's a teaser of sorts.

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The word peeping, right?

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Hello, I'm peeping.

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It sounds like a little British boy is.

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Or that you're like a peeping Tom.

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It doesn't bring up good...

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you know, images to me.

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And if somebody asked me to go leaf peeping, I'll be like, yeah, I'll go for a hike with

you and look at the leaves.

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But I won't say, yes, I would love to go leaf peeping.

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Peeping.

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What a strange word that is.

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Remember in the movie Back to the Future where, uh, when Marty McFly first encounters his

father, his father is on the limb of a tree with binoculars looking in to the

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bedroom of his mother Marty McFly's mother or not his dad's well you get it you've seen

the movie I mean you don't need to and then Marty McFly's line is he's a peeping Tom

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And that was a perfect line reading, by the way.

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You can go back to the film and check it out.

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It's like Michael J.

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Fox is here.

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It's like I'm Michael J.

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Fox.

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Anyway, I digress.

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I've been doubling down on the job search this week.

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And ah yeah, it's not fun because half of looking for jobs is getting rejected, more than

half.

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You know, you have to face rejection a lot over and over and over again.

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And yeah, it's not a great job market right now.

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know, everybody's laying off everybody and the government is still shut down.

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Congratulations, by the way, United States of America.

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We have a record longest government shutdown of all time.

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Hooray.

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wish I got any sound effect like a I need the kids cheering, but I don't have it on a

button.

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Maybe I'll have to add that in post.

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I don't like to edit these too much anyway.

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So combination of factors that is making looking for a job.

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rather difficult.

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I'm still in a pretty good headspace.

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I've been exercising a lot.

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That makes me feel good.

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I've been recording more episodes in person, which is really good for my brain.

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But yeah, you know, there's the back part of my brain is starting to get a little bit

panicky about the work thing.

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Maybe I have to start driving an Uber or something.

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I mean, maybe that would be fun.

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Maybe I could do a podcast in an Uber.

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Like I could ask people when they get in if they'd like to be on my podcast.

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And then if they say yes, I can just record the conversation we have going from A to B.

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It'd be like that cash cab show.

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There was also like a taxicab confession show on HBO years ago that did a thing, but they

even had cameras.

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So yeah, thus begins the bonus episode.

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know, bonus is also the name of a grocery store in Iceland.

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True story, there's like a pig as the mascot.

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Very cute.

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I may have already mentioned this, but yeah, it's true.

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Bonus.

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That Iceland story, when I went to Iceland, that's a whole story in itself, which we don't

have time for here, but uh it is a beautiful country with not great food and

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I ate puffin meat and I went to the penis museum and blue whales, I think it is, have

enormous penises.

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Enormous, intimidating.

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They also have a cast, know, like a clay cast or whatever of Jimi Hendrix's penis.

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And yeah, yeah, that's also intimidating, but not even close to the whale because that,

whew.

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You'd have to wear special pants is what I'm saying.

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And then more, even then, like special underwear, special pants, all sorts of different

things.

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So I'm grateful personally that I don't have a whale-sized penis.

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Wow.

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We've really, uh yeah, this has really gone into an interesting place.

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Well, and then I'll put this episode out and then...

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It'll always be out there.

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Me saying, I'm happy not having a whale penis.

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Yeah, I'm comfortable with that statement.

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But would a future employer be comfortable with that?

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I don't know that they're going to do that deep of a dive, but...

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Well, he's good at video editing.

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He seems to be very good at this podcast producing and hosting thing.

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But he says he is comfortable not having a penis the size of a whale penis.

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Yeah, maybe they'll ask me in the interview.

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Maybe I should be prepared for that question.

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Maybe I should ask ChatGPT what an appropriate response to, why don't you want to have a

penis the size of a whale penis is for a job interview.

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If an interviewer asks something like, why don't you want a penis the size of a whale's?

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The only appropriate response is to shut it down professionally and redirect not to answer

it.

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I mean, I think it's apparent once you see it.

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person but most people have not seen a whale penis in person so they have no idea of how

intimidating it is but believe you me actually you know what patreon subscribers I believe

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I have a photo of it I will put a picture of the whale penis that I saw at the penis

museum in Reykjavik Iceland a few years ago in there for you

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And if you yourself would also like to see that picture of the whale penis, you'll have to

subscribe yourself.

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I mean, if a photo of a whale penis isn't enough to get you to subscribe to my Patreon

page, I'm not sure what I can do for you because that's pretty amazing.

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I'll put the Jimi Hendrix one in there too, just, just as some like some gravy, you know,

but really the whale penis should be enough.

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And now I'm thinking of that Saturday Night Live sketch back in the eighties or nineties.

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and they were at like a nude resort and yeah, I'm gonna describe the sketch.

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There's a new guy at the nude resort and he's feeling uncomfortable and all the people who

are like regulars are like, hey, penis looks great today.

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And then they sing a penis song.

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Anyway, enough about penises.

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you

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subscription just expired.

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And of course they're offering me another year for $50 because that's, you know,

subscribers are the most important metric for these things because of advertising dollars.

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But, and I haven't renewed it and I feel like I will at some point, but like, I don't need

more of that.

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I don't need any more of that.

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So I don't know.

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But it made me think that I'd like to delete social media and this has come up many times

over my life.

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This desire to delete my social media.

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And I have for periods of time, of course.

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But like, now like, I have to be on them, because I feel like I'm promoting this podcast

on them.

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It's kind of a catch-22.

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Because that's where things get promoted now, isn't it?

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I mean, that's Facebook, Instagram.

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I mean, I deleted the Reddit app off my phone, which was a good thing, even though I think

that's probably the best social media of them all.

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The most useful at any rate, and the least toxic, right?

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I don't even think I look at Instagram all that much.

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um I'm not like a power user or anything.

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Like I won't spend hours sitting there scrolling, but nevertheless, I do spend more time

on there than I would like to.

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And I don't know that the feelings that it brings up a lot of the time.

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Sometimes, you know, I really like to poems and so forth on Instagram.

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I repost those a lot, but then why?

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What is the whole thing?

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So what, I don't know, 50 people can read the poem that know me and then we can't discuss

it because we're not in the same room.

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I don't know.

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Or maybe it's just me saying, look, I have good taste.

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Look at this profound thing that I found.

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Aren't I smart?

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Maybe it's that.

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I don't know.

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Um, and I've got a Tik Tok podcast thing, which I barely touched, but I feel like at some

point, you know, I should do some dance videos or something to promote the podcast on

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there.

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And then people will come to the podcast and be like, this is not what I expected at all.

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This is not, there's not even video.

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It's a paradox.

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My friends, it's a paradox.

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Look it up kids.

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So yeah, I was thinking about that.

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talked to my mom earlier, had a nice conversation with my mom this morning and she was,

towards the end of the conversation, she was like, uh I have one, you know, small piece of

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feedback for your podcast.

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And I was like, sure.

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And basically in so many words, it was like, stop swearing so much, which I get it.

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And it made me think of, I do swear too much.

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Patricia brought it up.

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when I saw her in Columbia, she talked about at one point how much I was swearing.

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And why do I swear so much?

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Well, I mean, my father sweared a lot.

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It's a cycle of swearing, know, it's the endless cycle.

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His father probably swore a lot and his father probably swore a lot and so on and so

forth.

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And the swearing gets passed down from generation to generation.

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But feedback accepted and appreciated, I will.

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both on the podcast and in my life, tried to not have such a filthy mouth.

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Cause what's the point of that?

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I don't think I've sworn during this little segment here.

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So that's, that's good, right?

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It's somewhat ironic because my mother is also the person who's feedback to my 9-11, my

film about uh masturbating to 9-11 footage.

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It's more than that.

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It's a bad description, but you know, I'm just trying to get to the, get to the point.

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She said that I nailed it.

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um

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So guess the masturbating to 9-11, okay.

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Saying fuck too often, meh, not so much.

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ah But mom, I love you and I will stop swearing so much.

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And thank you for liking my 9-11 film.

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happened today somebody got killed yesterday I don't really want to go into the details

but it's a long story but somebody got killed because they were outspoken about bad people

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and then the bad people killed them because of course they did that's what bad people do

and then other people will be afraid to criticize the bad people because they don't want

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to get killed so cycle of fear there but it really it broke my heart a little bit to be

honest

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You know, we live in such heartbreaking times.

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uh It's hard to really say that, but it's true.

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I think that, you know, we can say, these are dark times.

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Of course they're dark times, but really they're a little bit heartbreaking or a lot

heartbreaking.

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And I've been pretty good about keeping my heartbreak at bay.

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And I don't know what it was about this, because it happened in a foreign country.

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And I don't know what it was about this that hit me so much, but it did.

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Cause it's just like an example of evil taking away the good.

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Like again.

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All the good people, you know, that say, maybe we should all just not shoot each other and

love each other and I'll be friends.

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And it seems like they always get shot by bad people.

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I mean, starting with Jesus, they hung him into a tree.

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He was just saying, hey, money's bullshit.

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Let's all just be nice.

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Hang him to a tree, boys.

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Martin Luther King.

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I mean, JFK is a nifty one because, I mean, he was an inspirational president, but I don't

know that he was necessarily being like, hey, we should all get along.

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ah I wouldn't compare him to Jesus or MLK, to be honest.

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Maybe that's controversial, but I don't think it is.

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But you know, there's definitely other figures in the history of the world that, you know,

these people who were just like, hey, let's all get along.

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Nope.

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Boom.

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And what's the point really?

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Does some people out there just want to spread hatred and fear?

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Like, does that make them feel good?

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It must in a way.

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Or is there denial?

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Do they not believe?

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they, do people start to believe like the mythology they've created about whatever

circumstance they're in to believe that whatever they're doing, that's clearly by almost

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any metric, a horrible thing to do that they believe it's the right thing to do.

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I think there are some of that for sure.

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I don't know though.

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It seems like some people just like to be bad.

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And I hate this example, but let's take Donald Trump because he's an obvious one right

now.

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You know, I've seen videos of him around his grandkids and they seem to love him.

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And it always kind of like strikes me as it's almost like a, it's like, am I looking at

here?

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like Donald Trump has children that love him.

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And I'm not saying Donald Trump is a demon.

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but he's not a good actor, I mean, he's a bad man.

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He's even talked about it recently, I think he said something like about how he knows he's

not gonna go to heaven.

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It like a week or two ago.

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Which is a weird moment of like self-awareness by Trump, which makes me wonder if he's

dying or something.

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But he knows he's doing bad things.

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it's almost an admission that he's an asshole.

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Like that he's doing bad, that he knows he's doing bad things.

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Like that he knows he's not following the 10 commandments, which he probably doesn't even

know the 10 commandments anyway.

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So no, definitely doesn't know the 10 commandments.

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Did ever see that video?

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Remember the video back in like 96 or 2016 rather, when that reporter is like interviewing

Trump and he asks him like, what's your favorite book?

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And he says, Trump says it's the Bible.

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Of course.

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And then the reporter asks, like, what's your favorite passage in the Bible?

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And Trump kind of stammered for a second.

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He's like, I like all of it.

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I like the whole thing.

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And then his other good Bible moment was when this is what four and a half years in

politics does to watching all the media.

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So I have all these memories now, but uh after the, it was the George Floyd riots in DC in

:

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So he came out with, what was the name of the fat guy who was like his attorney general,

Bill Barr and a few other people and like walked out like boldly, you know, they had the

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the National Guard or whoever just like completely clear the protesters with tear gas and

knee knockers and you know, all this shit just so they could do a photo op in front of a

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church that had burned or something.

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I forget the whole story.

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Anyway, Trump's standing awkwardly in front of this church holding a Bible because it's a

good photo op, I guess.

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like they're interviewing him as he's holding the Bible up, getting his picture taken

awkwardly.

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Like at one point the Bible's upside down, so he has to turn it over.

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But one of the reporters asks him,

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Is that your Bible?

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And Trump's response is, it's a Bible.

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Like, what a strange response that is.

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Like you're literally doing a media, like a staged photo shoot.

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And the correct answer to that is for any politician, yes, it's my Bible.

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And I love it or whatever, you know?

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But Trump, no, it's a Bible.

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I don't know.

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Keeps you guessing that one.

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Anywho.

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So then I watched Amelie, which was my homework for therapy this week, which I'll take as

good homework, because it's a long story why that's my homework.

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I'm not gonna get into it, but it was.

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So I watched that, paid $4.

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And I hadn't seen it in years, and I've listened to the soundtrack to that film more than

I've seen the movie by far.

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The soundtrack's like one of the best soundtracks to any film ever made.

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And I hadn't watched the movie in probably 20 years, 15, 20 years, I don't know when the

last time I watched the movie was, but it holds up.

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It's a real joyful movie.

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I cry every time I watch it.

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Different parts usually, but most of the time it's been the part where she leads the blind

guy around the neighborhood and it describes everything to him.

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It just gets me.

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Anyway, Amelie cheered me up a little bit.

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It's a strange, wonderful, joyful film.

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If you haven't seen it, I mean, what are you doing with yourself?

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Amelie is an interesting movie because like it's about someone who is kind of hiding from

people in the world.

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Like she likes to watch the world from outside, but then realizes that the real joy and

the fear and the scary and all that comes from being inside, from joining the world and

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all the peril that it involves.

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Because it's easy to stand on the outside looking in.

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And I think I do that.

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I think I do that.

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I stand outside looking in a lot in a manner of speaking.

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I of wish I dressed up for Halloween.

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And I think I should do that next year.

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I think back to other Halloweens that I've dressed up and I've always had more fun.

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Like I've had a great time.

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It's fun to be dressed up.

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One time, it was like my second Halloween in Columbus, maybe, maybe my third.

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I was dating this woman and we and a bunch of friends dressed up and went to this like bar

crawl thing.

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It was really kind of a stupid bar crawl, but it was kind of fun.

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but we were all dressed up and I was wearing one of my crayon costumes, which yeah, I

guess I should go down that rabbit hole too.

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So I have 20, well, I think there's like 18 or 17 left now, crayon costumes.

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was 2008, no, was probably 2010, 2011 maybe.

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I was living in Brooklyn, New York and me and my sister were gonna fly home and surprise

my

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father for his birthday, which is right after Halloween.

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And we were also going to be there before Halloween and it was going to be my nephew

Owen's first time trick or treating.

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So Owen was going to go as a pirate and I thought, oh, it'll be funny.

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I can get a parrot costume.

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So I'll be like this giant parrot walking around with my nephew, this tiny little cute

pirate.

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So ordered a parrot costume probably, I don't know, two or three weeks before Halloween.

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I ordered it online.

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And it was like a week or two for shipping, said.

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And then a week or two went by and there's no costume.

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I didn't even get a confirmation, I don't think.

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I don't know.

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Maybe I handled it badly.

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I should have probably reached out.

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anyway, so I called the place and I get somebody on the phone and I'm like, well, I don't

know where my order is.

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And the guy's like, whoa, yeah, it's crazy this time of year.

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And I'm like, is it?

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And he's like, yeah, it's crazy.

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And I'm like, was it crazy this time last year?

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He's like, yes.

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I'm like, how about the year before?

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Yep.

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He was like, I get your point.

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He said, he got my point.

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Costume store busy before Halloween.

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Anyway, he basically said he didn't know where my order was, couldn't find that there were

just boxes everywhere or whatever.

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So I just hoped and prayed, right?

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ah And then Hurricane Sandy was coming in.

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So whatever your Hurricane Sandy was, Hurricane Sandy was approaching and me and my

girlfriend at the time were gonna go to Cleveland.

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I think we were gonna fly, maybe we were gonna drive.

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I forget what the original plan was.

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So Hurricane Sandy is about to come and I get back to my apartment after like, because we

had to all like, know, expecting a hurricane so everybody has to go inside.

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But we had been out that day going out.

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I think we had dinner with friends or something.

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I get back to my apartment and there's a package from a costume company and I'm like, oh,

hooray.

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You know, I'm thinking, you know, the costumes here.

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It seemed like a big box.

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I thought it was a.

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I remember thinking this is a very heavy parrot custom of it's must be a substantially

good parrot custom because it's got some heft.

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So I just took it upstairs to put it in my office and then, you know, just went in my room

and didn't open.

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thought I'll open it later when the storm's happening, yada yada yada.

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So hurricane Sandy comes in and it's nuts, you know, there's crazy rain.

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uh It was quite a thing.

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You know, the subways were all flooded.

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It was nuts.

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Only hurricane I think I've ever been in, but legit hurricane and

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At a certain point I go down to open up the box and the box, instead of having a parrot

costume in it, it has, you guessed it, 20 crayon costumes of different colors, which were

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apparently intended for some middle school or high school, I imagine like a cheerleading

thing, I don't know.

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But it was about $300 worth of crayon costumes and the parrot costume was like, I think

$60.

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I just kept them because I knew I wasn't gonna get the parrot costume back or at least in

time for Halloween.

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So, you know, I thought I can do things with these crayon costumes.

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I can do some sort of like a Budsby Berkeley number, you know, with people like spitting

around or whatever.

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I haven't done that yet, but what I have done, and this brings me back to that Halloween

five years, six years ago, the bar crawl, I'm wearing one of the, I think we both were

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wearing crayon costumes.

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I mean, not just the Cran costumes, they're a little bit, uh they're revealing.

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Let's be clear, they're sexy Crans, right?

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They're cut high on the leg.

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You'll want to wear underwear when you're wearing these Cran costumes.

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That's, guess, the best way of saying it.

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So we met up with this other friend of ours that was with this guy that she'd been dating.

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She dated him once.

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It was like their second date.

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And we all ended up going back to my apartment and

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We, everybody put on Cran costumes and then we did like a photo shoot on my couch.

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All of us, the four of us in Cran costumes.

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Yeah, it was pretty, pretty ridiculous, but also, you know, a wonderful memory.

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I still got these pictures on my phone.

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That was a weird night.

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I don't think that the guy that our friend was on a date with that night, I don't think

they went out again though.

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I think that might've, I don't know.

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I don't know.

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I mean, it's a weird second date.

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That's for sure.

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And there's an iconic photo that I brought one of the Crayon costumes home.

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Oh, so that story continues actually.

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So we were supposed to leave the day after Sandy and the day after Sandy, the entire city

was a mess.

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So the airplane like LaGuardia was like a swimming pool.

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Like it was all the things.

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we couldn't, I couldn't fly out.

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I was going to fly out.

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That's right.

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And then I think either my girlfriend or I thought we should just rent a car.

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So

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we made the smart move to rent a car before Sandy, just in case.

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So we had this rental car.

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So I think it was the day, maybe it was two days after Sandy, I had to go all the way to

JFK, because that's where the cheap rental car was, to get the rental car.

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And that was a hike from where I lived in Brooklyn.

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It was probably like an hour drive.

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there's shit down everywhere.

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There's trees and debris everywhere.

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The gas station lines are down the street.

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It was nuts.

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And then I finally get my car and of course the

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The rental car place is a madhouse because everybody wants a rental car and I was just

fortunate to have a reservation.

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So I get the rental car and I had to drive from JFK to the Upper East Side, if you're

familiar with New York, it's a hike, to pick up my girlfriend at the time.

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And uh it took me, it should have taken me like maybe an hour, hour and a half maybe.

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I think it took me like four or five hours because like there was debris down everywhere,

there was traffic.

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It was just like the most nightmarish drive.

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And then it took a while for us just to get out of the city because it uh was so bad.

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But once we actually got out of the city, it was pretty good.

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Anyway, so we get home.

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I don't know what night it was.

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We're having dinner.

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Maybe it was the night of my dad's birthday.

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I think it was late after his birthday party.

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And it was just like our family and my aunt and uncle, their family, sitting around the

dining room table, like drinking wine and whatever.

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And...

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I tell the story or it comes up somehow that I got these crayon costumes instead of a

parrot costume.

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So, you know, people have had a little bit to drink.

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So they're like, hey, try it on, put it on, put it on.

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And so I did, I put it on.

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had sky blue was the color that I had.

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And yeah, and it's revealing.

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Like I didn't, I mean, I wore underwear, but it's revealing.

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It's a high cut dress kind of a thing, like a crayon dress, I would say.

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So yeah, I come downstairs in this crayon dress and...

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uh

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You know, the look on my father's face, ah you know, it wasn't one of pride.

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Everybody else was laughing, but the look on my father's face was, uh I'll never quite

forget that.

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Yeah.

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Yeah, it's gotta be hard to see your like, I mean, I was early 40s at this point in a sky

blue crayon costume, but you know, I was a unique son.

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So, I mean, I dressed up in all sorts of costumes when I was doing theater.

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So it shouldn't have been that much of a shock, but.

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And then I have this great picture of me.

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picked up my nephew who was very young at the time, I he was three or four, and I picked

him up and so I'm like holding my nephew within wearing this crayon costume and he loved

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the crayon costume.

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He thought it was hilarious.

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Yeah, I should give him one.

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I should see if he wants to wear one now.

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Maybe we can both wear one next time.

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I mean, although my dad's passed, but you know, just for old times sake.

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uh

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:

When are we gonna get rid of this ridiculous daylight savings time?

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Whichever permanent daily savings time, whichever one is the good one.

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:

I forget.

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:

When are we gonna take care of this?

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:

They talk about this, they tease us with it every few years.

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:

mean, Trump talked about it a lot.

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I thought maybe that'd be a thing I'd like that he did along with the pennies.

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:

He got rid of the pennies.

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:

He'd get rid of daylight savings time or made it permanent daylight savings time,

whichever the people want.

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But then it just fades into the distance again.

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:

Like, why can't we do this?

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Let's just do this.

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:

Please.

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:

I guess it's not important anymore.

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:

And the government shut down anyway so they can't do anything about it now.

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:

Everything's going just fine.

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:

In this heartbreaking world.

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:

That's all for now.

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:

I hope you're all thriving.

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:

uh

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About the Podcast

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onefjef (stories about being alive)
Conversations and audio diaries about creativity, travel, grief, friendship, and finding meaning in the chaos of being alive. New episodes every week.

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About your host

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Jef Taylor

Jef Taylor is an editor, filmmaker, and reluctant grown-up. He hosts onefjef, where he talks to people (and sometimes himself) about work, purpose, and the strange ways life unfolds. Before podcasting, he spent years shaping other people’s stories—now he’s telling his own.