Colorado Trip: Altitude, Gratitude & the Guy at the Bar
A ramble recorded during a quick trip to Colorado, where I soaked in a hot tub under the stars, hiked through Garden of the Gods, met a guy at a bar who’d been kidnapped by the cartel, went searching (unsuccessfully) for Crestone’s open-air funeral pyre, and somehow ended up on Chris Ryan’s podcast. It’s me in the thin mountain air, thinking about gratitude, middle age, and the strange turns life takes when you let it.
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Transcript
"My grandmother was kidnapped by German soldiers from the Ukraine when she was pregnant with
Speaker:my mother and she was born in Burden, Valsen.
Speaker:And my grandmother made amazing sugar cookies and that's why Hitler moved them to Hamburg.
Speaker:So my grandmother made sugar to this day."
Speaker:This is episode 21 of onefjef.
Speaker:The number 21 has long been linked to completion, maturity and transformation.
Speaker:The numerology it reduces to three, a number of creativity, expression and the realization
Speaker:of ideas.
Speaker:Historically, turning 21 has symbolized reaching full adulthood and independence.
Speaker:The point where preparation gives way to personal freedom and responsibility.
Speaker:In the tarot, 21 corresponds to the World Card, representing fulfillment, unity and the
Speaker:successful completion of a life cycle before a new one begins.
Speaker:"Hello my friends.
Speaker:Jef Taylor here.
Speaker:And yes, here we are, episode 21.
Speaker:Good Lord."
Speaker:It's Friday afternoon here in Columbus, Ohio.
Speaker:It's late fall.
Speaker:Halloween is approaching.
Speaker:I don't know that I'm going to dress up.
Speaker:I think I'm just going to wear like I have a purple wig and a white, crazy person wig that
Speaker:I kind of rotate through every other year.
Speaker:I'm not sure what kind of year this is going to be.
Speaker:I think I'll just feel the vibe out on the night of.
Speaker:See how that goes.
Speaker:I might have some strange glasses as well.
Speaker:But there's no concept like that people say, "What are you?"
Speaker:"Who are you?"
Speaker:"Post of I don't know.
Speaker:I don't know.
Speaker:I don't know.
Speaker:I get where I'm in the way in glasses."
Speaker:This entire episode was recorded in Colorado.
Speaker:It is, as has been requested, mostly me rambling.
Speaker:Those of you who requested this kind of an episode, you're welcome.
Speaker:I hope you get what you ask for.
Speaker:I hope you feel good about it.
Speaker:I hope you don't get halfway through and say, "I wish I hadn't asked for this.
Speaker:This is not going well for me.
Speaker:I don't feel good.
Speaker:I wish I could turn off this episode, but I just can't stop listening.
Speaker:But I do have regret about asking him to do this."
Speaker:And if that's the case, please email me at onefjefpod@gmail.com because frankly, I don't get many
Speaker:emails there and it would really bring me joy and give me some feedback.
Speaker:I really enjoy getting feedback.
Speaker:I think I'm gonna thrive with feedback.
Speaker:So send me feedback at 1ofJefpod@gmail.com.
Speaker:Pay transom subscribers.
Speaker:I still love you.
Speaker:Thank you so much for the new ones and the old ones and the ones in between.
Speaker:If you're yourself or not a Patreon subscriber and you'd like to support the podcast, please
Speaker:go to patreon.com/onefjef.
Speaker:That's patreon.com/onefjef.
Speaker:That's a little less $5 a month, which is nothing.
Speaker:And if it is something to you that I'm very, very sorry.
Speaker:That's all.
Speaker:I'm not gonna ramble too much in the intro because the entire episode is ramble.
Speaker:So thank you for listening.
Speaker:Thank you for being here.
Speaker:Here's me and a cabin in Salada Colorado.
Speaker:I'm in Salada Colorado once again.
Speaker:At my friend Marche's cabin, I am here in part because I'm going to be on a tangent
Speaker:until he's speaking Chris Ryan's podcast the day after tomorrow, which is a fairly, you
Speaker:know, it's a legit podcast and has a big audience.
Speaker:And yeah, who knows?
Speaker:Who knows?
Speaker:I'm honored to be asked to be on.
Speaker:So I wanted to take advantage of that offer.
Speaker:I'd be a fool not to.
Speaker:This is almost free this trip because I bought the ticket with the miles and my wonderful
Speaker:friend Marche picked me up at the Denver Airport and drove me back to her place in
Speaker:Colorado Springs and then let me borrow her truck to drive out to her cabin out here in
Speaker:Salada.
Speaker:And I love it out here.
Speaker:It's like just remote and peaceful and there's a hot tub.
Speaker:And yeah, it's up in the mountains near Monarcha Mountain ski resort if anybody familiar
Speaker:very close to there.
Speaker:So if anybody needs like a place to stay when they go to Monarcha Mountain, just let me
Speaker:know.
Speaker:Anyway, I'm feeling very grateful this evening to be living this life and to have such wonderful
Speaker:people in my life to help me live a life like this.
Speaker:It's a blessing.
Speaker:And I, yeah, there's no other way to say it.
Speaker:So I'm also drinking an IPA that has, was it, Yuzu fruit?
Speaker:What does it say here?
Speaker:Hold on.
Speaker:Yeah, it says with Yuzu fruit.
Speaker:I don't know what that means.
Speaker:It sounds Japanese and there's Japanese text on it.
Speaker:So I'm assuming Yuzu fruit is probably some sort of a fancy Japanese fruit.
Speaker:It tastes good.
Speaker:It doesn't taste like fruit.
Speaker:So good story, Jef.
Speaker:And there's a wind.
Speaker:There's a decent breeze here as you may be.
Speaker:You can hear.
Speaker:That's somewhat close to the highway to Route 50.
Speaker:And you can hear the traffic going by now and again.
Speaker:The drive out here was a little bit rough.
Speaker:Amarches truck is a stick shift.
Speaker:And I've driven stick.
Speaker:I just, it's just been a while.
Speaker:And I left a little too late, so I was driving in the dark through the mountain passes.
Speaker:And it was a little bit, you know, it was full attention driving, which is exhausting.
Speaker:But I made it.
Speaker:And yeah.
Speaker:And I'm feeling grateful and good.
Speaker:And I'm just trying to embrace this moment right here.
Speaker:Sitting on the porch here in the mountains of Colorado.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:This is okay.
Speaker:I'm taking an IPA with Yuzu fruit.
Speaker:So I mean, how much better can it get?
Speaker:I'm thinking about how about a month ago when I got back from my trip, how I was, I was quite
Speaker:depressed.
Speaker:And you hear the wind?
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:I was really depressed.
Speaker:I was in a bad place.
Speaker:And then I got sick and I was in even a worse place.
Speaker:And, and you know, the whole time I was in the bad place, I thought, you know, I was in
Speaker:the bad place.
Speaker:It's going to get better.
Speaker:It's waves, right?
Speaker:It's waves on the ocean.
Speaker:Just got to wait until I got on top of the next wave.
Speaker:And it'll come.
Speaker:And here we are.
Speaker:Here I am.
Speaker:I feel like this is kind of the top.
Speaker:And when you realize you're there, you got to embrace it.
Speaker:You got to hold on to it.
Speaker:You got to appreciate it.
Speaker:So this is what I'm trying to do.
Speaker:This is what we should all be trying to do at all times.
Speaker:But the world does not make that easy.
Speaker:I realize there are buddhas now, but I wonder, you know, and they were kind of inventing the
Speaker:religion or whatever, you know, whatever they do.
Speaker:I don't know how it came to be.
Speaker:I'm not a buddha scholar.
Speaker:In case you thought I was, because some people just assume.
Speaker:If they imagined when they were coming up with this religion, if they imagined the amount
Speaker:of distraction that would enter the world, if they anticipated this, this kind of a world,
Speaker:which makes it much more tricky to, you know, live in the moment and appreciate the moment,
Speaker:the present moment, and not think about the future of the past.
Speaker:You know, these things make it very difficult, which is why I think it's probably more important
Speaker:than ever.
Speaker:Right?
Speaker:I think I'm going to make this next episode, another travelogue, just to mix it up.
Speaker:I keep trying to balance like how much work I put into the podcast versus how much effort
Speaker:I put into like finding a job.
Speaker:And I realize that sounds like a ridiculous question, probably to you, because of course,
Speaker:I should be looking for a job.
Speaker:How irresponsible.
Speaker:But I don't know.
Speaker:I don't know that this is a bad decision.
Speaker:I think this is the exactly right decision to be perfectly honest.
Speaker:I should have some money, so like, have these opportunities, why not or shouldn't I take advantage
Speaker:of them?
Speaker:And this has been a year of that.
Speaker:This has been a year of that.
Speaker:And, you know, when I was working at the Lincoln Project, I had so much free time because
Speaker:it was a fairly low-pressure job a lot of times.
Speaker:And I kept thinking I should be working remotely.
Speaker:I should be going to somewhere, you know, and working there and in trying to take advantage
Speaker:of this.
Speaker:And then I did.
Speaker:I booked an Airbnb in Mexico City for February and I was like, I'll work abroad for
Speaker:a month in Mexico City.
Speaker:And then I got laid off in the end of January.
Speaker:So I just went to Mexico City anyway and had a better time than I would have had I been
Speaker:working.
Speaker:And then I came back and then I started this podcast and then I went to Ireland with my family
Speaker:for a couple of weeks.
Speaker:And I came back a couple of weeks after that.
Speaker:I started the road trip for 49 days.
Speaker:I got back from that.
Speaker:And now I'm in Solida Colorado.
Speaker:And I'm going to go on a podcast that I've always wanted to be on, but never ever thought
Speaker:I would actually get to be on.
Speaker:So, you hear that's the hot tub in the background.
Speaker:Can you hear that?
Speaker:It kind of drives me a little crazy.
Speaker:Look at me.
Speaker:Suddenly, there goes the living in the moment, appreciating the moment.
Speaker:There goes my negative brain right there.
Speaker:Anoid by the sound of the hot tub.
Speaker:I'm literally living like my best life right here and I found a thing to be.
Speaker:All right, I take it back.
Speaker:I take it back.
Speaker:Today we went on a hike in Garden of the Gods in Colorado Springs, which is like this,
Speaker:it's this park.
Speaker:It's not like a national park or anything, but a very well could be.
Speaker:It's just a park that apparently some rich people basically owned the land and just gave
Speaker:it to the city inside.
Speaker:It just has to be free forever.
Speaker:So, that's pretty cool.
Speaker:So it's this amazing park with these giant red stones that stick out of the ground.
Speaker:And these are the weird shapes.
Speaker:There's like little window shapes.
Speaker:It's hard to describe, but these massive red stones.
Speaker:I need to look up like what that's about.
Speaker:Because I was wondering how that happened, like how the whole thing evolution earlier,
Speaker:whatever the word is.
Speaker:How would happen?
Speaker:The geology of Garden of the Gods dates back around 300 million years when ancient sedimentary
Speaker:layers were deposited in a vast inland sea.
Speaker:Over time, tectonic forces associated with the uplift of the Rocky Mountains tilted these
Speaker:horizontal rock beds vertically exposing the dramatic formations seen today.
Speaker:The parks striking red, pink and white rocks, mainly composed of sandstone, limestone and
Speaker:conglomerate, belonged to formations like the fountain formation, Lyon Sandstone.
Speaker:And Dakota Sandstone.
Speaker:Erosion by wind and water then sculpted these layers into the towering fins, spires and balanced
Speaker:rocks that define the landscape.
Speaker:It's amazing.
Speaker:There's like little areas where you can see through, like there's a gap in the stone where
Speaker:you can see through it.
Speaker:Looks like some of them are going to fall over on you.
Speaker:And maybe someday they will.
Speaker:I mean, someday they will, of course they will someday.
Speaker:But not tomorrow, hopefully, or the next day.
Speaker:Will the stones out live America?
Speaker:I guess that's a good question, right?
Speaker:Will the stones be there after America's gone?
Speaker:Most of them will, I imagine.
Speaker:Some of them will not.
Speaker:I missed the aspens, the yellow aspens.
Speaker:I missed those by a couple weeks, apparently.
Speaker:That's what March said.
Speaker:Which is a bummer.
Speaker:I think I've seen them before.
Speaker:But like when you're here in Colorado in the fall for a week or two, the aspens leaves
Speaker:just an alternate yellow.
Speaker:And so the forest is just like this.
Speaker:It just becomes alive with yellow, not everywhere, but in a certain places.
Speaker:And it's just incredible.
Speaker:And I wouldn't be able to say that had I not seen it.
Speaker:So I must have seen it at some point.
Speaker:I just don't remember when.
Speaker:Either that or I'm just lying.
Speaker:Or maybe I saw a picture of it.
Speaker:No, I think I was, I think I experienced it.
Speaker:I mean, I have seen pictures of it as well.
Speaker:I mean, I saw a picture of it recently.
Speaker:So who knows how that, I mean, I did have some weird dreams last night.
Speaker:So who knows what's going on?
Speaker:Who knows what's going on?
Speaker:[MUSIC PLAYING]
Speaker:It's Monday.
Speaker:October something turns out that not all the aspens leaves have fallen from the trees.
Speaker:I woke up to quite a lot of beautiful yellow leaves still hanging on for dear life.
Speaker:To the trees, in spite of the extremely windy conditions we have here today.
Speaker:I went for a walk today and actually saw some snow.
Speaker:And I was like, wow, it already snowed here.
Speaker:I mean, of course it is.
Speaker:It's like we're at 9,000 feet, which if I'm kind of panting as I talk, I apologize.
Speaker:It's the elevation again.
Speaker:Today I am thinking about how I'm still not exactly sure what this podcast is or what
Speaker:I want it to be.
Speaker:Like I said, it's a difficult time.
Speaker:It's a difficult to know what to focus on right now.
Speaker:I mean, I know I should be focusing on finding a job and I am.
Speaker:But I also want this podcast to be good, you know.
Speaker:And it's turned into, since I got back from the trip, a lot of interviews back into the
Speaker:conversation format, right?
Speaker:But that's not all I wanted it to be.
Speaker:Like it, originally, I don't even think I wanted it to be that.
Speaker:And I think part of that is honestly laziness because it's easier to edit an interview episode
Speaker:than it is for me to put together one of these.
Speaker:People say that they want to hear me talking more, not that I'm basing my podcast on what
Speaker:people tell me they like, but I mean, in a way, it's unavoidable.
Speaker:Like I do want to give people what they want.
Speaker:And I do like to talk.
Speaker:So, you know, that works.
Speaker:But I also wanted to be kind of weird and, you know, kind of like the first intro episode
Speaker:kind of felt.
Speaker:If you haven't listened to it, go back and listen to it.
Speaker:Or don't, because then you might be confused as to how it's well, whatever.
Speaker:Maybe it is still weird.
Speaker:Maybe I'm just overthinking it.
Speaker:In fact, I'm sure I am.
Speaker:This is what I do.
Speaker:So what I'm trying to do less of.
Speaker:Anyway, my interview is tomorrow at about 9 or 9 30.
Speaker:It's about an hour, hour and a ten minute drive from here to Crestone.
Speaker:And I'll be honest, I'm a little nervous.
Speaker:Most of the time when he has people on, it's like this person wrote this book or this person
Speaker:is biking across the country or this person is doing this.
Speaker:I'm not exactly sure what I'm, you know, I'm doing a lot of things, I suppose.
Speaker:But like what in particular it is about me that caused him to ask me to be on his podcast.
Speaker:Because you, you know, it's hard to see the label when you're inside the jar.
Speaker:So I guess I don't know what the label is.
Speaker:If there is a label, that all.
Speaker:And yes, that is my favorite saying of the moment.
Speaker:It's hard to see the label when you're inside the jar.
Speaker:It says so much in such a simple way.
Speaker:I had trouble sleeping last night.
Speaker:I think it's largely due to the adjusting to the elevation.
Speaker:Your heart beats faster to make up for the lack of oxygen in the air or the less oxygen,
Speaker:the lower amount of oxygen, whatever.
Speaker:In the air, so yeah, my heart was beating and I had two beers which really, really got
Speaker:on top of me.
Speaker:Probably not the best idea, but you know, what's regret, pointless.
Speaker:I did ask Chris Ryan, the guy who's interviewing me tomorrow, asked him if there's anything
Speaker:in particular that he was planning to talk about or he wanted to talk about tomorrow.
Speaker:And he said, "No."
Speaker:So in a way that's great because that's what I do on my podcast for the most part.
Speaker:But it's also a little bit like it has me thinking about what's been interesting about my 51
Speaker:years on this planet.
Speaker:What have been the interesting events, what have been the interesting stories and so forth
Speaker:and trying to remember them, right?
Speaker:So I can have them at the ready to talk about tomorrow because I don't want to be prepared
Speaker:prepared, but I want to be prepared, you know.
Speaker:So I went for a walk, very beautiful out here, kind of in a valley surrounded by mountains
Speaker:on both sides.
Speaker:A lot of like rental cabins around here, a few little mountain streams flowing through.
Speaker:I love the mountains.
Speaker:I like to live in the mountains, I think.
Speaker:Maybe, maybe someday.
Speaker:Who knows?
Speaker:It's really nice being here alone in this cabin with the silence, except for the sound
Speaker:of the wind sometimes against the windows.
Speaker:It feels like I'm kind of away from the world in a way.
Speaker:And I like that feeling.
Speaker:I like the feeling of being outside of my quote unquote normal life.
Speaker:I mean, I think everybody does to a degree, but I feel like I thrive in it, you know.
Speaker:This feeling of not being surrounded by my stuff and all the emotional baggage and so
Speaker:forth that comes with all your stuff, all the books that I haven't read, all the records
Speaker:that I've rarely listened to, even though I've paid for them in which I'm now trying to
Speaker:sell all the boxes of things that I've put in the attic that have been there since the
Speaker:last time I moved, in which I need to ask myself why am I just moving these from place to
Speaker:place and bring them in storage?
Speaker:What am I holding on to here?
Speaker:A few months ago, I think it was a well back.
Speaker:It was earlier this year when I got back from Mexico.
Speaker:I was feeling very much like I wanted to downsize my life.
Speaker:I started to get rid of things and throw things away.
Speaker:And some of the things that I threw away, I had these old video tapes that I was making
Speaker:films back in the day or when I made films back in the day.
Speaker:And you got them into festivals.
Speaker:You had to make a screener copy, which at the time was like, there were many different
Speaker:formats of like super VHS or DVD.
Speaker:I forget the names of them all, but there were all these ridiculous different kinds of formats
Speaker:that every festival accepted a different format of tape.
Speaker:So you had to spend a lot of money to get your film put on one of these expensive tapes
Speaker:for the festival to use as the screener.
Speaker:And so I'd kept these for some reason because they sent them back to you after you, you know,
Speaker:the festivals over.
Speaker:And I'd kept these in a box, making these were like some sort of like memento of my success,
Speaker:you know, as a filmmaker.
Speaker:But all they're doing is sitting in a box.
Speaker:And I'd go by through them away.
Speaker:And I remember when I told some people that I threw them away, they're like, really?
Speaker:Why would you do that?
Speaker:And I thought like, why wouldn't I do that?
Speaker:Like it felt good to get rid of them.
Speaker:I took pictures of them, the Marie condo method, as it were.
Speaker:And then I threw them away.
Speaker:And it made me feel lighter.
Speaker:And it also made me think two less things to move next time I move, which is hopefully
Speaker:soon because my landlord, I don't think I've talked about this.
Speaker:I live in a side by side duplex and my landlord lives next door to me.
Speaker:And when I moved into the house about, I guess it was about four years ago now, good lord.
Speaker:I was not in a good place.
Speaker:I didn't have a lot of friends at the time.
Speaker:It was right after COVID kind of was starting to settle down or as COVID was settling down.
Speaker:And I had gone through breakup earlier that year and I was just kind of feeling disconnected.
Speaker:And the landlord really wanted to be friends.
Speaker:So we hung out quite a bit, drinking on the porch, you know?
Speaker:And I got, you know, indication that he was a bit of a strange guy from time to time.
Speaker:And then they kept getting more and more like boundary started to get strange.
Speaker:I don't want to get into all the details, but like he would always say, I don't want to
Speaker:be thought of as your landlord.
Speaker:I want to be thought of as like your friend.
Speaker:And I would think, you have a UR my landlord and it's weird that you would say that.
Speaker:Like I understand it, but now looking back it's like he wanted me to be both his tenant
Speaker:and his friend.
Speaker:The relationship kind of started to fracture.
Speaker:I don't remember what the real fracture was, but I have to look back.
Speaker:And so at a certain point, I had to like send him a text message that was like, this is
Speaker:about three years ago, I think it was like, hey, I'd like our relationship to be a tenant
Speaker:landlord relationship exclusively.
Speaker:I hope you can respect this boundary.
Speaker:And he responded, ha ha.
Speaker:And I was like, oh, that's not, that's not great.
Speaker:It's not a good sign.
Speaker:And it wasn't, it wasn't a good sign.
Speaker:It was foreboding.
Speaker:Long story short, for the last several years, he has continued to try to engage me as more
Speaker:than a tenant.
Speaker:And when I've asked for him to like fix simple things, like just getting a replacing a fire alarm,
Speaker:it turns into an entire thing of him trying to engage with me in the process.
Speaker:Like, I would think that a landlord, a normal landlord would just be like, sure, we're
Speaker:replaced that, you know, no problem.
Speaker:I'll drop it off tomorrow, whatever.
Speaker:With him, it turns into a whole big thing of like, you can just replace the battery.
Speaker:And I'd be like, no, you have to replace the whole alarm.
Speaker:It's that kind of alarm, blah, blah, blah.
Speaker:It wasn't ridiculous.
Speaker:There's a lot of things like this that happened.
Speaker:And still he would try.
Speaker:I would never give many indication that I was like interested in being his friend anymore.
Speaker:Like, like, I had had it.
Speaker:I wasn't responding to his texts.
Speaker:I wasn't responding to his, whatever, his invitations, whatever.
Speaker:I wasn't responding to any of it because I realized I couldn't, because to give an inch
Speaker:he'll take a mile, right?
Speaker:I mean, it just went on and on.
Speaker:And then even when, even when I was on my road trip, he was texting me, he texted me four
Speaker:or five times saying, where are you?
Speaker:Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, on and on.
Speaker:I never responded.
Speaker:And then at one point he texted me, is there somebody in your house?
Speaker:I heard something over there.
Speaker:And I was like, oh, so I texted my friend who was taking care of my plants and asked
Speaker:to him if he was over there and he said no.
Speaker:And then I texted back.
Speaker:I had to ask.
Speaker:I was like, well, no, nobody's in my house.
Speaker:Is everything okay?
Speaker:And then he writes back, oh, it must have just been the storm.
Speaker:Where are you?
Speaker:And a lot of people when you hear this story, you think, oh, he just wants to be your friend.
Speaker:Don't be so mean.
Speaker:You don't understand.
Speaker:And as evidence of this, when my friend Brad, he took care of my plants a couple times when
Speaker:I was out of town this year, he had to interact with a few times because he was sitting on the
Speaker:porch smoking and would just complain to him about how I didn't want him to take my
Speaker:Amazon packages into the house for him or, you know, just negative stuff, just like things
Speaker:you don't have to even, you don't have to say anything.
Speaker:You're just my neighbor, dude.
Speaker:You don't have to engage with the guy who's taking care of my plants and complain to him
Speaker:about me, you know.
Speaker:And after that, Brad was like, dude, I understand.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:And lately he's taken to, there's a new, uh, somebody got a dog, a couple doors over.
Speaker:And the dog barks quite a bit.
Speaker:It doesn't really bother me that much because I'm not outside very much because I can't
Speaker:really use my outdoor areas because he's always out there smoking.
Speaker:But I'll hear him like, usually about once a day or once a regular day, like when the dog
Speaker:is barking, just screaming.
Speaker:Shut that dog up.
Speaker:Shut up.
Speaker:I went out and a date with a woman who lived down the street about two years ago.
Speaker:I guess it was.
Speaker:And I mentioned that, I, she, you know, she asked where on the street I lived and I was like,
Speaker:you know, that house there, and she's like, oh, next to insert any of landlord here.
Speaker:And I was like, yeah, she's like, oh, yeah, that guy yelled at my kid for like writing
Speaker:his scooter on his, on the sidewalk or something in front of his house.
Speaker:And I was like, yeah, that sounds, that sounds like him.
Speaker:That sounds like him.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:And I have to other people in my neighborhood.
Speaker:Nobody really cares for him.
Speaker:He, um, has not made a lot of friends in the neighborhood.
Speaker:So then after I got back from my road trip, it was a couple weeks later, I was hanging out
Speaker:in my porch with my cousin Brian and we were drinking beers at night, some Saturday night.
Speaker:And, you know, I haven't hung out socially with my landlord for at this point a couple
Speaker:of years, maybe three, maybe two, I don't know.
Speaker:I've made no indication that I have any interest in spending time with him socially.
Speaker:And nevertheless, he comes out on the porch, well, I'm hanging out with my cousin talking,
Speaker:interrupts the conversation is like, hey, can I join you?
Speaker:And I'm like, no, we're going inside very quickly.
Speaker:And he's like, oh, is this how it's going to be?
Speaker:He gets all mad.
Speaker:Start yelling, is this how it's going to be?
Speaker:Is this how it's going to be?
Speaker:And like, Brian, come inside, let's go inside.
Speaker:So I kind of closed the door and then my cousin is freaked out because I've told him these
Speaker:stories and he never understood until this moment.
Speaker:He's like, dude, you got to get out of here.
Speaker:He's like whispering because he's afraid, you know, because he's, it was weird.
Speaker:It was creepy.
Speaker:And that was like another indication that like a sign from the universe that it was time
Speaker:for me to leave Columbus in my mind.
Speaker:That this was going downhill.
Speaker:This landlord tenant thing was going downhill.
Speaker:Since then, he has not attempted to engage with me at all.
Speaker:But and I don't ever ask him to do anything in the apartment or the house rather, unless
Speaker:it's something that I absolutely can't do myself and absolutely needs to be done.
Speaker:And so the faucet, the kitchen sink faucet was like the little hand turning, the thing
Speaker:that you turn it on and off with was kind of coming off.
Speaker:It was when it would pop off at a certain point when I turned it the right certain way.
Speaker:And I thought, oh, I can just glue it back on, but I didn't have any glue and then I thought
Speaker:well, the landlord will get mad if I do it the wrong way because that's what he does.
Speaker:And so I thought, oh, well, I'll just, when I'm out of town in Colorado, I'll text him and
Speaker:ask him to do it while I'm out of town.
Speaker:And so I did that and he wrote back, okay, if there are any screws missing, I'm going
Speaker:to charge you for a new faucet, which like, what dude?
Speaker:What's the implication here that I took screws out of the faucet on purpose, that I broke
Speaker:the faucet on purpose?
Speaker:Like, you're the landlord, like your job is to fix things that break in the house.
Speaker:Anyway, you understand.
Speaker:It was just him, like instead of just being, you know, a normal landlord and being
Speaker:yes, of course, I'll take care of that right away.
Speaker:He has to be kind of a dick about it.
Speaker:And so then he texted me that he fixed it.
Speaker:And of course, once again, he had to flex, he's like, please be more gentle with these things,
Speaker:more things have gotten broken since you've been there than anybody else.
Speaker:And I'm thinking like, like what dude, like two things, the door knob fell off, the door,
Speaker:the hundred year old door, the door knob fell off.
Speaker:And that, that's pretty much it that I can think of.
Speaker:But whatever, it was another, you know, pointed jab.
Speaker:So long story short, I got to get out of there because it's never going to end.
Speaker:The dude also like has a sling set on his back porch that he shoots the deer with, which
Speaker:I don't really agree with, frankly.
Speaker:He's told me in the past that he used to like shoot birds from the front porch with a
Speaker:friend of his with a sling shot.
Speaker:And I'd be like, and it was acting like it was something that was cool and funny and I was
Speaker:like, I think cool.
Speaker:And I kind of, you know, went away, feel sorry for him because I'm sure it all has to do
Speaker:with like, you know, childhood trauma and so forth.
Speaker:But you know, this is not my issue.
Speaker:This is something you need to work on.
Speaker:And when it starts to affect me and my quality of life in the house that I'm renting from
Speaker:you, that's no bueno.
Speaker:That's no good.
Speaker:So yeah, I need to move out.
Speaker:I actually had a weird nightmare about him last night.
Speaker:That's I think why I'm talking about it.
Speaker:And having a nightmare about your landlord is not.
Speaker:I mean, I've never had that before.
Speaker:So that's an indication of something or other.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:That's all for now.
Speaker:That's story time is over.
Speaker:There's a new neighbor, March has a new neighbor with this cabinet across the street.
Speaker:She told me about him and he's got like, I think three dogs over there.
Speaker:And yeah, they bark.
Speaker:They bark a lot.
Speaker:Every time I go outside, they bark.
Speaker:So I'm trying to remain very still on the porch here so as not to arouse them and make
Speaker:them bark.
Speaker:Anyway, I'm still here at the cabin here in Solida, sitting on the porch once again.
Speaker:It's not as windy as it was yesterday.
Speaker:I just spent a solid amount of time in the hot tub looking at the stars.
Speaker:So no complaints there.
Speaker:Earlier I went to Solida proper.
Speaker:It's a cute little town.
Speaker:I've been there before, but it's a really cute little old, I think, mining town I'm guessing.
Speaker:And it's kind of one of these cute little towns.
Speaker:It's all these little boutiques and all that kind of thing.
Speaker:Ding ding.
Speaker:And you know, like yoga studios, it's like a hippie kind of feeling like a spiritual new age
Speaker:kind of town.
Speaker:But I think it's full of Trump supporters.
Speaker:Like I think it's like, you see some bumper stickers, but I feel like there's a lot of
Speaker:Trump supporters here.
Speaker:It's a vibe.
Speaker:So I walked around Solida.
Speaker:It's really really cute.
Speaker:There's like a river going through it and very pretty.
Speaker:And the Aspen trees.
Speaker:Exploding in yellow.
Speaker:Pretty amazing.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:And then I went and had dinner at this pizza place.
Speaker:Pizza slash brewery or something.
Speaker:This guy was good.
Speaker:And I was sitting next to this guy at the bar and I start talking to him.
Speaker:And this guy, like, he was about my age, I think.
Speaker:He just moved here six months ago from Mexico.
Speaker:He lived in Mexico for, lived in Escondito for 13 years doing some sort of real estate
Speaker:thing.
Speaker:I think they his family owned properties on the beach or something.
Speaker:I don't know.
Speaker:Something about how Trump's tariffs made his business go downhill.
Speaker:So he had to move back to the States.
Speaker:My mom and I own and operate 12 beachfront homes.
Speaker:Nice.
Speaker:Which is great.
Speaker:But right now there's no rentals because people are afraid to cross the border.
Speaker:The people that rent my houses are from Mexico.
Speaker:They're from North Cal.
Speaker:They're from SoCal.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:And they're mostly Mexicans.
Speaker:They're Latinos.
Speaker:They're so afraid that if they cross the border, they won't be able to get back in.
Speaker:It's a justifiable concern, I would say.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:So right now I'm paying all of these property taxes and federal zones taxes on all these properties
Speaker:on the beach that we own.
Speaker:And it's barely enough to cover them.
Speaker:And trying to sell them is almost impossible.
Speaker:So I'm probably going to end up losing a lot of houses and just eating shit.
Speaker:Anyway, while I was living in Las Candido, he was apparently abducted by the cartel or
Speaker:some cartel adjacent thugs and held for ransom.
Speaker:Before I moved here, I was kidnapped by the cartel.
Speaker:Really?
Speaker:I was tortured.
Speaker:They took me for a hundred grand and three of my homes.
Speaker:They told me the story.
Speaker:So and they kidnapped my steps on too.
Speaker:That's what made me cough up them.
Speaker:I touched him.
Speaker:I was like, that's it.
Speaker:And then when I left, I exposed them all.
Speaker:So how did this happen though?
Speaker:Like what you were in Mexico, you're driving on the street like what?
Speaker:No, I was just a very prominent figure in the community.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:And what did they do?
Speaker:And what did they do?
Speaker:They come up with a van or what did they, what did they, how did it happen?
Speaker:And that was at a party.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:It's just at a party and they just said like it in.
Speaker:And they took you where?
Speaker:They took me to my house.
Speaker:Uh-huh.
Speaker:And in the car they beat me and savagely in my own car while they were driving my car.
Speaker:How long ago was this?
Speaker:Uh, this is six months ago.
Speaker:Wow.
Speaker:Not very long ago.
Speaker:And that probably had a part, played a partner leading Mexico probably.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:And you get kidnapped by the car too late to say it's late time to leave.
Speaker:It wasn't like, it was a car until a related crime.
Speaker:It's just some knuckleheads that worked with the car until they were like really low on
Speaker:the total home.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:But it didn't stop them from doing what they did.
Speaker:Sure.
Speaker:And how much did you have to pay them?
Speaker:Uh, it was about 100 grand.
Speaker:Wow.
Speaker:It was about 100 grand.
Speaker:Wow.
Speaker:You saved my steps on life.
Speaker:And it was mostly his fault.
Speaker:He was fucking around doing drugs and taking out loans from local drug dealers until, oh,
Speaker:my stepdad Matt will pay you.
Speaker:Oh, shit like that.
Speaker:You know, it's a--
Speaker:Paul T.
Speaker:He's, uh, now he's--
Speaker:Oh, 24.
Speaker:Wow.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:But he started doing the crystal method.
Speaker:He was 13.
Speaker:Great.
Speaker:First time in the rehab.
Speaker:He was 13.
Speaker:Great.
Speaker:Great.
Speaker:Uh-huh.
Speaker:And then, you know, I would think that this kind of story isn't true, but it also turns out
Speaker:he's a very, very hardcore Christian.
Speaker:My gender is Salada.
Speaker:Um, I'm a Christian missionary.
Speaker:I met, uh--
Speaker:Oh, no kidding.
Speaker:Yeah, I met a woman named Valerie whose sister works here.
Speaker:Cindy.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Who's awesome.
Speaker:It's a fucking rock star.
Speaker:Yeah, Cindy's awesome.
Speaker:Huh.
Speaker:Same way, I met her in Mexico doing Christian missionary trip.
Speaker:Well, not missionary trips, but like outreach with the church.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:And like mostly helping people with drug addiction, people trying to stop doing prostitution, mental
Speaker:health issues, you know, all the psychologists.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:So, I had a Christian counselor as well.
Speaker:And so I knew that Bible.
Speaker:Right on.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:That was really fun.
Speaker:So, I'm just like, okay, well, here I'm being chased by the car so I took a house, like
Speaker:a safe house basically in Ensenada for a couple days.
Speaker:And he just prayed to God, I was like, where am I going to go?
Speaker:And he put it on my heart.
Speaker:Hey, go contact Valerie.
Speaker:Go to Solida.
Speaker:So, I got on a train and I came to Solida.
Speaker:It's a nice place to be in here, right?
Speaker:Which surprised me because he'd been swearing up a storm and drinking like a fish.
Speaker:Which, I, you know, I'm sure, you know, there's Christians who do these things.
Speaker:And, but it was surprising in a way.
Speaker:I dated a born of a Christian years ago.
Speaker:And I prayed to the store actually in my 20s.
Speaker:We're still good friends, but I met this born of a Christian and at the time.
Speaker:And we were very much in love and we wanted to get married, but like she couldn't marry
Speaker:a non-Christian.
Speaker:And, yeah, I won't marry a non-Christian.
Speaker:I get it.
Speaker:So, it happened.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:And so, I was like, all right, well, I want to figure out, like if I'm going to not marry
Speaker:this woman because I'm not a Christian, I at least should try to see what this is about.
Speaker:So, I got the entire Bible covered in cover.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:Which I think most people in the whole even Christians will say.
Speaker:It's long enough to take you.
Speaker:I mean, I was living in Korea at the time.
Speaker:So, it didn't take me as long as I was in Korea so I had time.
Speaker:You know, I was teaching English in Korea.
Speaker:And I don't remember how long I wrote a blog about it, too.
Speaker:I was like blogging about it.
Speaker:And it was fitting, you know, it was interesting.
Speaker:And ultimately came down on the side of like, I mean, my, it's a complicated one, but mostly
Speaker:it was like this idea that she always talked about, which was like, I could be a totally
Speaker:like people who were born in like a Muslim country are Muslim because they're born in Muslim
Speaker:countries, right?
Speaker:They don't have a choice.
Speaker:The idea that you, you need to choose to be a Christian in order to gain salvation is
Speaker:the one that I get stuck on.
Speaker:To be a part of another culture and believe in something else is one thing, but knowing your
Speaker:history about this world and how it actually came about is more important because Jesus
Speaker:Israel was, no, I say is.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:Meaning what?
Speaker:Meaning he never died.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:It's, I mean, like in the first four centuries, the right, resurrected himself.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:So the power of the death is the gospel message.
Speaker:So that's what I preach.
Speaker:Sure.
Speaker:So, yeah, you know, so to say that, I guess I feel like if I am a, so at first from the Muslim
Speaker:country is a perfectly, a wonderful person who gives money to charity, which all of this
Speaker:friends and neighbors, all the things that Jesus practices all those, but it's not a Christian
Speaker:doesn't get to attain salvation because he doesn't, that's not true.
Speaker:Well, it depends on who we are talking to.
Speaker:But I think some people certainly believe that.
Speaker:There's a scripture that says it would be better for you to have never know and then to
Speaker:know and to, to feel.
Speaker:See, this is part of my issue too is that these interpretations get me all bugaboo too
Speaker:because everybody's got their own little way of deciding what.
Speaker:So, in your neighborhood, Jesus says, basically your recruisse of crying Christ is what a lot
Speaker:of Christians want to point to in this regard because, in a way, I don't make it, I'm trying
Speaker:to make it simple without getting to do it like a theological.
Speaker:No, I'm listening.
Speaker:You know?
Speaker:So, this is what I believe.
Speaker:You be a good person.
Speaker:You just go be a good person.
Speaker:Amplify your heart if you do figure out one day to put your heart on a place, he will amplify
Speaker:it even more.
Speaker:I'm not saying you can't do that.
Speaker:I'm just saying it's what he's had with Christ.
Speaker:Fair enough.
Speaker:And I'll just leave it at that.
Speaker:Fair enough.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:No judgment.
Speaker:Here I'm not the judge.
Speaker:Anyway, long story short, the woman ended up that I was dating.
Speaker:She, I moved to Korea to teach English.
Speaker:She moved to Israel to go to school for religious studies.
Speaker:And the religious studies, I think, really, once she started to dig in to get her masters
Speaker:in it.
Speaker:So, she was digging into it too much.
Speaker:She started to start it to question it and she fell in love with the Jewish man and
Speaker:moved to New York City converted to Judaism.
Speaker:And that's just a two.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:I mean, it's, you know, everybody's got a different path, you know.
Speaker:Once I think he realized that I wasn't like that I'm just like open to hearing your, whatever
Speaker:you want to say, you're, you know, I'm not going to judge him.
Speaker:He just started going with the God stuff.
Speaker:What I believe is that when Jesus died on the cross, he took all man's sins.
Speaker:So therefore the law has been fulfilled.
Speaker:So therefore rather than living under God's law, I don't live under God's law.
Speaker:I live under God's grace, right?
Speaker:And so therefore every day that I get out by pray, I'm not going to be perfect at it.
Speaker:But God will slowly change me over time, which he has done in my life to become a better
Speaker:person, be more meaningful in my life, and impressionable in the people that I talk to.
Speaker:Who, right?
Speaker:Especially people that are lost.
Speaker:He's the space.
Speaker:There's a lot of people that are lost here in this life.
Speaker:They're looking for answers and they just don't know.
Speaker:Absolutely, and I would argue that there's a lot of different answers.
Speaker:And I think Jesus could be one of them for a lot of people.
Speaker:I think that, you know, mindfulness could be one for a lot of people just finding yourself
Speaker:in the ability to be present in your own.
Speaker:But, you know, the present moment is a big part of it.
Speaker:It might be, I mean, that's part actually in the Bible as well as talking about that.
Speaker:Who does too well?
Speaker:Well, there's a few scriptures that speak out to me.
Speaker:But like, I always have to ask this question.
Speaker:It's like, if you don't believe in everlasting life, what is the purpose of living?
Speaker:I mean, that's a valid question, but like, there is no purpose to it.
Speaker:Other than just to go from point A to point B and you're done.
Speaker:I mean, why do you care what I believe in?
Speaker:I get attacked by a lot of people who don't believe, and I always ask them about that.
Speaker:I never understand.
Speaker:I said, why do you care if I believe in Jesus?
Speaker:Yeah, that's definitely the purpose of living.
Speaker:Unless you're like trying to lay it on him real hard.
Speaker:I don't do that.
Speaker:I don't do that.
Speaker:No, you don't do that.
Speaker:No.
Speaker:It's everyone's choice.
Speaker:Yeah, I have no idea what's going to happen when I move on to the next part of existence,
Speaker:whatever that is.
Speaker:I have no idea.
Speaker:And I'm actually comfortable with that.
Speaker:Yeah?
Speaker:And what kind of feelings does that bring you?
Speaker:Well, how do you feel knowing in your thoughts and your mind knowing that there's nothing?
Speaker:I don't know if there's nothing.
Speaker:I don't know.
Speaker:I think there definitely could be something.
Speaker:I think there's a lot of science that comes out about consciousness.
Speaker:Do you have hope?
Speaker:Is there hope for this in there?
Speaker:Is there any kind of hope at all towards something greater?
Speaker:Yeah, it'd be great that there was...
Speaker:It's not so sad to me.
Speaker:I was nothing there.
Speaker:I mean, I would say that everybody's...
Speaker:I know everybody's got to get through this life somehow and I think that there's...
Speaker:I'm totally...
Speaker:I'm honestly...
Speaker:I don't feel sad about it.
Speaker:I think that there's a possibility that this is not all there is.
Speaker:I don't know that it's a Jesus-based thing or a religion-based thing.
Speaker:I think it could be just a consciousness-based thing, which our consciousness continues to exist
Speaker:in some form.
Speaker:I don't know.
Speaker:I said you read the Bible.
Speaker:I did.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:I was quite born.
Speaker:I think it was New American.
Speaker:New American.
Speaker:Was that the one?
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:North American standard.
Speaker:No, I think it was.
Speaker:I have to look.
Speaker:I still have it.
Speaker:N-A-S-D.
Speaker:Some of that was boring.
Speaker:Bowling.
Speaker:Well, it depends on what you're reading.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Numbord boy.
Speaker:That's the numbers.
Speaker:I just finished the interronomy.
Speaker:That's the good one.
Speaker:New Testament.
Speaker:It's much better than New Testament.
Speaker:Well, you know, I always tell people when they read the Bible, you should never start out with the old testament.
Speaker:I wanted to read from cover to cover.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:You want to get the whole story.
Speaker:You can.
Speaker:You need to start from New Testament and then go back.
Speaker:Well, I had a woman trying to explain parts of it to me, you know.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:There's a right way of reading it to make it no sense.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:If you read it from cover to cover, it will make no sense.
Speaker:And it wasn't like bad.
Speaker:It was like, we had an interesting conversation.
Speaker:But at one point, he did say that he doesn't wear a helmet when he rides his bike.
Speaker:I said something.
Speaker:Oh, we were talking about skiing.
Speaker:And I said, it's nobody wore helmets back then.
Speaker:It's so crazy to be a think back when I used to ski when I was a kid.
Speaker:I'm not going to wear a helmet now.
Speaker:You should wear a helmet, dude.
Speaker:Why?
Speaker:Because it's like so dangerous.
Speaker:You can be people dialing time.
Speaker:Yeah, right.
Speaker:He used to ride motorcycles in the 500 and the 1000s with no helmet on.
Speaker:That seems reckless.
Speaker:Yeah, but I finished.
Speaker:Yeah, you didn't die, but you know, it just stands.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Even in the army, when they handed me a cover, I wouldn't worry that she did.
Speaker:Why not?
Speaker:Because I believe that if God wants to take me out, then that's what's going to happen.
Speaker:I thought it was nothing.
Speaker:It stopped me because I got things.
Speaker:Yeah, well, yeah.
Speaker:And I'm here.
Speaker:So, you know, I had four chairs.
Speaker:I don't want to.
Speaker:God's steering the ship.
Speaker:So if God's going to take him, God's going to take him whether he's wearing a helmet or not, I guess.
Speaker:That's what it sounded like.
Speaker:Which seems like flawed reasoning to me.
Speaker:But, you know, much of Christianity does rely on some semblance of flawed reasoning, doesn't it?
Speaker:You need faith, right?
Speaker:Reasoning isn't what, yeah.
Speaker:But yeah, and at one point, he was like, well, what are you even living for?
Speaker:Like, he's like, what's the point of your life?
Speaker:Because the point of his life is to, you know, serve Jesus and get to the afterlife, whatever.
Speaker:You know, when you look at the religions, the same, there's a lot of the same similar ideas
Speaker:kind of flow through a lot of the religions.
Speaker:There's one difference.
Speaker:You know what that is, Jesus?
Speaker:Well, yes, but those religions teach you that you have a lot of the same ideas.
Speaker:You have the possibility to do it on your own, and that's a lie.
Speaker:Well, to do.
Speaker:Well, it's a lie because without God, you can't do anything.
Speaker:To you.
Speaker:Okay, but again, you don't believe in anything, so...
Speaker:I mean, I don't believe in anything.
Speaker:I believe in a lot of things.
Speaker:I just don't believe in.
Speaker:But then what is the purpose of life?
Speaker:It's just my point.
Speaker:The purpose of life is to create more people who don't believe in anything.
Speaker:What do you say to the afterlife?
Speaker:Just to follow God's will and to live right by God.
Speaker:To live right.
Speaker:Like to live be upright.
Speaker:To be upright.
Speaker:I feel like I'm extremely...
Speaker:You seem like it.
Speaker:You're upright.
Speaker:And I think.
Speaker:And I don't have a God.
Speaker:You know, so I mean, I think that...
Speaker:I like that song.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:I appreciate the fact that we can have this conversation without getting angry.
Speaker:Straight on.
Speaker:Straight on.
Speaker:That's cool.
Speaker:Because I respect your belief.
Speaker:And I appreciate your respect, and I believe.
Speaker:Although I don't like what you say, I believe in nothing, but that's not true at all.
Speaker:But then what do you believe in?
Speaker:That's what I'm getting at.
Speaker:What do you mean by that?
Speaker:I believe in love.
Speaker:I believe in being good to my fellow citizens.
Speaker:I believe in volunteering and helping out to people who are less privileged.
Speaker:I believe in being good to people.
Speaker:For what purpose?
Speaker:I believe this.
Speaker:I just want to do it because I think that that's the right thing to do in my life.
Speaker:And I believe that that's the way God made us.
Speaker:But if you didn't have God, then do you think that you wouldn't be a good person because you don't?
Speaker:No, even if I didn't have God, I would still do the right thing anyway, because that's how I'm made.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:And frankly, like, I'm just going to play the conversation because I recorded the conversation,
Speaker:or at least some of it ser
Speaker:or at least some of it ser Commission, or at least some of it ser Commission, or at least some of it ser键特地 ser diy, which I've done before I know.
Speaker:And I do realize it is somewhat morally questionable.
Speaker:I acknowledge that.
Speaker:But I'm also saying that I am not.
Speaker:I'm cutting his name out.
Speaker:I'm not going to use his name.
Speaker:And I feel like what are the odds that somebody is just going to recognize?
Speaker:Who's going to listen to the podcast?
Speaker:And I don't know.
Speaker:My grandmother was kidnapped by German soldiers from the Ukraine when she was pregnant with my mother.
Speaker:Wow.
Speaker:And she was born in Bergen-Belsen.
Speaker:And my grandmother made amazing sugar cookies, and that's why Hitler moved them to Hamburg.
Speaker:So my grandmother made sugar cookies.
Speaker:And that's the only reason I'm alive.
Speaker:My grandmother made sugar cookies.
Speaker:She didn't make sugar cookies.
Speaker:She didn't make sugar cookies.
Speaker:I wouldn't fuck be here, man.
Speaker:That's the best way.
Speaker:That's the story.
Speaker:My grandmother made sugar cookies for Hitler, and as a result, I exist.
Speaker:That's funny.
Speaker:I love that.
Speaker:Hey, grandmother, may I make sugar cookies for Hitler?
Speaker:It sounds like the punch I do with two.
Speaker:You didn't have the sugar cookies for you?
Speaker:Oh, yeah.
Speaker:I know the recipe.
Speaker:I go make them.
Speaker:I can make the rest of these for Hitler sugar cookies.
Speaker:Oh, of course I do.
Speaker:You should make it.
Speaker:I'm my grandmother's favorite.
Speaker:You could sell them to some like ways to make sugar cookies.
Speaker:I can make it a way.
Speaker:I can make it a way.
Speaker:Which is like what you call parogies.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:If you've got opinions about the morality of this syrup-titious recording, please email me at
Speaker:onefjefpod@gmail.com.
Speaker:I would honestly, either, if you think it's terrible, then let me know, because I'm genuinely
Speaker:curious.
Speaker:I feel like it's kind of on the boundary between, I don't know, I feel okay about it.
Speaker:And maybe that's just because it's good content.
Speaker:At least I think it is.
Speaker:And that felt kind of gross to say.
Speaker:Were you raised, Hitler?
Speaker:A Christian?
Speaker:Um.
Speaker:Did you find it?
Speaker:I heard, I didn't go to church when I was a kid.
Speaker:Now, this is something I just found out by saying down reading.
Speaker:Interesting.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:How old were you when it happened?
Speaker:When I started reading, when you, you know, when you, the, like, decided you found Jesus
Speaker:if whatever, whatever you were reading now.
Speaker:I'll say, Jesus has always been a part of my life.
Speaker:Ever since I was a kid, I always knew he was there.
Speaker:But I didn't really actually choose him in my life until I was probably about 20.
Speaker:Was there anything in particular that happened when you were 20 that had the cause of that?
Speaker:Yeah, I was in jail.
Speaker:And what were you in jail for?
Speaker:Crime, I didn't commit actually a military crime.
Speaker:Oh, we had no army.
Speaker:No, okay.
Speaker:What did you do in the army?
Speaker:I was a U.A. 60 crew chief.
Speaker:I was a sniper on a block pond.
Speaker:Was army ranger a racer?
Speaker:I ran a thing.
Speaker:Yep, I did two tours in Iraq and two in Afghanistan.
Speaker:Wow.
Speaker:It sucked.
Speaker:I came back with all my digits though.
Speaker:Well, woohoo in the head, you know, 10 years of therapy.
Speaker:I have a good friend who is an army.
Speaker:It's why I became a psychologist.
Speaker:And now he's working.
Speaker:My other friend who was in Iraq, he was, I think, looking for army.
Speaker:I maybe was there, I forget.
Speaker:But he is now working to help mental health because he got back.
Speaker:That's awesome.
Speaker:He was a mess.
Speaker:Nobody's here to help me.
Speaker:Nobody's around.
Speaker:That was when I was out.
Speaker:And it's still my great.
Speaker:I mean, I don't agree with a lot of the things that America gets involved in internationally.
Speaker:I think if you're going to choose to do that, then you should be getting all the prizes, all of it.
Speaker:All the mental health care you need, that's going to street up for years.
Speaker:Well, I was delivered out of jail.
Speaker:My ETSA was August 11, 2001.
Speaker:What was the, what was the crime that you were, that you didn't do?
Speaker:They said I hit, I struck my commanding officer.
Speaker:Oh, yeah.
Speaker:I never touched him, right?
Speaker:So I did nine months in Jeferson County.
Speaker:I had my jail up in upstate New York and 20 degree temperature, it was pretty great.
Speaker:And then I got out and I was just like, yeah, they'll do it.
Speaker:Yeah, yeah, fuck it.
Speaker:Yeah, I've never been in jail.
Speaker:But you've been put away.
Speaker:Yeah, that was my only time being in jail, actually.
Speaker:Yeah, yeah, that was good.
Speaker:Maybe it's just because it feels like it's interesting to keep, have those in the podcast,
Speaker:because that's what the podcast is kind of about, is connections and making connections
Speaker:with people that you would never meet, ever, you know, in all these things.
Speaker:So I feel like that maybe just like the ends justify the means.
Speaker:In this case, I don't know.
Speaker:Let me know when I've just put it to you, bound.com.
Speaker:Interesting.
Speaker:Funny thing is, it's like when I start talking to you, I never been a million years
Speaker:thought you were a Christian like that.
Speaker:No.
Speaker:And I don't get it.
Speaker:Fast night.
Speaker:This again, once again, it's like every time, this has been my life lately.
Speaker:It's like I start talking to people on bars and I think the most interesting people
Speaker:ever at like, yeah, it's just random.
Speaker:I love hanging out at a bar.
Speaker:I love just meeting random people as well.
Speaker:Just having random conversations, random people.
Speaker:Me too, looking at the story, yeah.
Speaker:I think it's awesome.
Speaker:What's here, it was Jef.
Speaker:Jef.
Speaker:Jef.
Speaker:Jef.
Speaker:Yeah, it was.
Speaker:Clujer, yeah.
Speaker:Jef.
Speaker:My name, Jef.
Speaker:I took an apple.
Speaker:My name.
Speaker:You don't bore out.
Speaker:I get it.
Speaker:Anyway, I'm going on Chris Ryan's podcast tomorrow morning very early, while not very early, but I have to get there like 9 or 9 30s
Speaker:so I have to leave it like, what time am I leaving?
Speaker:8?
Speaker:I'm leaving at 8.
Speaker:So yeah, I gotta get it, perly.
Speaker:Which actually I'm okay with because I get to see the sunrise, which is something that March that I should do.
Speaker:So it's like a two for one.
Speaker:It's quite peaceful out here right now.
Speaker:Yeah, you should see the stars tonight.
Speaker:There's the hot tub turning on.
Speaker:So yeah, that's my cue to leave.
Speaker:So it's Tuesday afternoon, and I just got back from Crestone and doing an interview on Chris Ryan's podcast tangentially speaking.
Speaker:It went well, I think.
Speaker:I was listening to his podcast for probably six, six years now, and you know, you develop this parasocial relationship with this person that you listen to in your ears all the time.
Speaker:And then through some bizarre combination of factors, you end up going on his podcast.
Speaker:And then you end up kind of surreal, to be honest, even like seeing his house, you know, like where he does his podcast and all that.
Speaker:Man.
Speaker:And yeah, we did the podcast outside.
Speaker:We set outside, looking at the mountains and Valley, and talked for about an hour.
Speaker:And then we hung out and talked for another two hours or so.
Speaker:He's a super interesting guy.
Speaker:Many, many stories.
Speaker:I think in the podcast, maybe he did more of the talking than I did, but we'll see.
Speaker:I don't remember that well.
Speaker:But anyway, yeah, truly a unique experience.
Speaker:And you know, yeah, again, grateful that I was able to live did what it did.
Speaker:And allowed me to have this experience.
Speaker:I don't know.
Speaker:I'm still a little bit like baffled by the whole thing, you know.
Speaker:And now I'm back at in marches cabin.
Speaker:And I'm going to pack up my stuff and head back to Colorado Springs to her place in our little bit here.
Speaker:And then I fly out tomorrow.
Speaker:So what else?
Speaker:Oh, crest stone.
Speaker:You know, I'd been there before and I talked about it before, but I didn't really get an idea of how truly remote crest stone is.
Speaker:It's in the middle of nowhere like the closest grocery store, like real grocery stores, like an hour away here in Salada.
Speaker:There's another one, I guess, the other way.
Speaker:And yeah, so land is very cheap there because it's so remote.
Speaker:And there's no building codes.
Speaker:It's like the only county in the entire state that has no building codes.
Speaker:So people build kind of whatever.
Speaker:And Chris is expanding his house and you don't need to get, you know, permits or anything because there's no building codes.
Speaker:I guess maybe you need permits.
Speaker:I don't know.
Speaker:And as a result, everybody there is apparently a construction person because there's no code so anybody can say they are.
Speaker:Also, the only city in the United States that allows open air cremations.
Speaker:There's a funeral pyre that I tried to find.
Speaker:Chris said I should check it out on my way out.
Speaker:And I found the sign and I went down the road, but I couldn't find it, which was weird.
Speaker:But yeah, they do open air cremations.
Speaker:A funeral pyre thing. I guess only like 50 or 60 people have done it, but that's interesting.
Speaker:The deceased are laid in a simple shroud, placed on a wooden stretcher, a top a hearth of juniper logs, and ceremonially burned in an outdoor cremation.
Speaker:The ritual is non-sectarian, allowing family and friends to participate in lighting the fire or offering prayers and takes place in the quiet desert landscape at the foot of the Sangreda Christo Mountains.
Speaker:It's available only to residents of Sagwashi County and remains one of the most unique and spiritual approaches to death in the country.
Speaker:Very interesting, weird town. I like the vibe, but the remoteness might be something.
Speaker:Just to get groceries. You got a plan real well if the grocery store is an hour away.
Speaker:Like you can't just go to the store and get basil. You got to have stuff ready.
Speaker:And there's not really any restaurants, so it's just like, you know.
Speaker:But yeah, the drive-in was beautiful. The drive-out was beautiful. I mean, the mountains everywhere you drive through.
Speaker:Mountain pass. Colorado is stunning.
Speaker:It's an amazing day. I'll take today.
Speaker:And it's only halfway over, so who knows what might happen. So many things could still happen.
Speaker:Also been thinking about what a year this has been. If you would have described my 2025 to me at the end of 2024,
Speaker:I would have told you you were crazy. But here we are. Here I am. Here it is. This is it.
Speaker:Life can be amazing. You just have to get out of your comfort zone.
Speaker:Take advantage of your freedom when you have it. Try to create freedom when you can.
Speaker:You can make the life that you want to have for yourself. That's what I've learned this year.
Speaker:Until you have to get a job. And then maybe things change. But yeah. The podcast keeps going.
Speaker:It's Tuesday night. It's pretty late. I'm back in Colorado Springs at Marches House.
Speaker:I drove back from Solida this afternoon. It was about two and a half hour drive.
Speaker:It was a lot of driving today. So I'm pretty tired. I'll sleep all tonight. But I mean, it was a beautiful drive.
Speaker:Yellow aspen leaves popping below like the mountains. It's very Colorado. It's what I love about Colorado.
Speaker:I mean, there's many things, but something about the mountains. I don't know. It gets me.
Speaker:But again, I could be at the ocean. I'll be saying the same thing. Some of the ocean gets me.
Speaker:I need majesty. Maybe that's it. Maybe it's the majesty of the mountains. I guess the ocean isn't so majestic in as much as it's like more reflection of life.
Speaker:And that gets me. Anyway, I'm going back to Columbus tomorrow. And this has been a good trip.
Speaker:It's been a quick trip, but it's felt like it's been quite long because that's what again.
Speaker:That's what travel does. It feels like I've been gone for at least a week, but it's only been like four days. It's crazy.
Speaker:I was talking to Mars just tonight. We're having some wine and talking about growing into middle age and seeing friends kind of drift away, losing friends.
Speaker:And really, I think in middle ages where you really come to understand what doing the work and ocean and maturity and all these important things that we should be doing really come into play because I think that I think middle age, at least in as much as I've experienced it, is kind of a great big reckoning with the reality of your immortality.
Speaker:I don't know who was it who said the quote that I love. We live two lives. The second begins when we realize we only have one.
Speaker:And I think middle age is kind of when you realize. And I think that's when you can kind of like make a choice about how you're going to do the rest of your one precious life.
Speaker:And I think that there's many ways that people can deal with that shit and do deal with that shit.
Speaker:And I don't know. I don't want to pat myself on the back too much, but I feel like this year has been a big year for me in coming to terms with the reality of my mortality and also coming to terms with or understanding the need for doing the work.
Speaker:And I think that the friends that I've kept over the years are to a large extent the ones that have done the work or are trying to at least continue to work on themselves, even as the reality of mortality kind of sets in.
Speaker:So I feel like that sounds morbid, but it's not.
Speaker:And also, you know, I've talked a lot in this podcast. Well, I mean, maybe not a lot, but enough during the road trip episodes about people and friends that I've lost in my life, particularly over the last like five years.
Speaker:And in some cases, I don't know why, right? Why have lost them? In some cases, I do.
Speaker:But I kind of think that, well, I'm not suggesting that nothing of it has to do with me.
Speaker:I think that a large part of it has to do with them and where they are.
Speaker:I think a lot of people stop growing at a certain point.
Speaker:And certainly, I'm no stranger to this. Like, I've gotten stuck in my ways.
Speaker:I've gotten very comfortable with certain habits and things like that.
Speaker:And I think a lot of people just kind of just accept this and become their habits.
Speaker:Become the version of themselves that is the easiest version of themselves, perhaps.
Speaker:The most frictionless version of themselves, maybe.
Speaker:And I'm certainly privileged in a way to have time to think about these things. And I'm not denying that.
Speaker:Like, this year has been one of enjoying my life and not having to work very much, which has been a blessing in a godsend, really.
Speaker:But, you know, I've really tried to use this year to make myself better.
Speaker:I've been given time this year.
Speaker:And I feel like I'm not... maybe for the first time in my life, but I'm not squandering that time.
Speaker:I'm taking that time and I am fucking using it.
Speaker:I'm getting out of my comfort zone. I'm letting go of so much shit that's happened in my past.
Speaker:I'm trying not to hang on to what I'd like the future to look like.
Speaker:And I'm just letting go and trying to live the life and do the things that will bring me joy and will make me a better person.
Speaker:And today was kind of a culmination of that, of the idea that this year that I've had, the way that I've used this year, has all been kind of like...
Speaker:It's all worked out.
Speaker:Like, the universe is giving back.
Speaker:The universe is like seeing what I'm doing here and saying here.
Speaker:Here you go.
Speaker:I'm on the right path, Jef. So here's some good stuff.
Speaker:Anyway, I'm taking a win today. I'm taking a long-term win and I'm feeling good about it.
Speaker:And there you have it. That was Colorado.
Speaker:How was it for you? Was it good? I hope it was good for you.
Speaker:It was great for me. If it was good for you and even if it wasn't, you got to like, rate, subscribe and review.
Speaker:You got to like, rate, subscribe and review. If you're wondering what you got to do, you got to like, rate, subscribe and review.
Speaker:That was a dolphin. Well, by episode like 50, I'm going to have a real hit on my hands. So just, you know, stay tuned. Hang in there with me.
Speaker:I'm concerned now that people are not going to like, rate, subscribe and review because that song is not their favorite.
Speaker:But why not? Why not? It's a good song. I like it anyway. It's short, sweet and to the point.
Speaker:And it's better than just saying the words are be fucking time, right? It's better anyway.
Speaker:You know, Jef, the singing with, like, rate, subscribe and review, it's not my favorite thing.
Speaker:Oh, well, it's not for everyone. I don't think anybody likes it, Jef.
Speaker:Oh, well, if you do a survey, you can bring the results to me and prove it. But until then, I'm going to keep doing that song.
Speaker:I'm going to keep honing it, making it better and better until it's the number one hit on Spotify or Apple Music.
Speaker:Maybe both. Maybe Taylor Swift will sing it. That'd be an unexpected turn of events.
Speaker:I started a podcast and in the podcast, I started singing this, like, rate, subscribe and review song.
Speaker:And then Taylor Swift heard it and she sent me an email at oneof Jef Poddettgmail.com and asked me if she could perform it on her next tour.
Speaker:The Ares tour part eight or something like that. And I said, well, Taylor, I'm going to need a good chunk of money for you to do that.
Speaker:And she said, well, what if I just came on the podcast? I said, eh, I mean, you'll have to do that too, but I still need some more money.
Speaker:I mean, it is a hit. L-R-S-R, Lercer. That's what it's called. Lercer, Taylor Swift's new hit.
Speaker:If you are still listening, I truly appreciate you. I mean, if you're not listening, you're not listening, so I can't say anything to you.
Speaker:So I shouldn't even preface that with if you are still listening because you are still listening.
Speaker:But I do appreciate you because you can see on the metrics how long people listen and some people don't listen for very long at all, particularly on YouTube.
Speaker:Which makes me think I need like maybe explosions at the beginning or some exciting thing. Like in this one, maybe the Hitler-Sugar cookie story that'll grab people.
Speaker:I am a little concerned that the Hitler-Sugar cookie story may end up getting me de-algorithm or something because I don't think that the algorithm is particularly like the word Hitler these days.
Speaker:Not that they ever have, but I don't want this podcast to end up in sort of like a white supremacist podcast group or something just because I have a story about somebody who's grandmother made cookies for Hitler against her own will.
Speaker:So that's a big part of it. She didn't do it. So she liked Hitler. She did it because she had to make sugar cookies for Hitler.
Speaker:But I don't think the algorithm is able to really discern that nuance.
Speaker:But if you are the algorithm, I hope you will discern the nuance because I feel like I should say this is not a pro-Hitler podcast.
Speaker:This is a Pro-Sugar cookie podcast, but an anti-Hitler podcast about that.
Speaker:Okay, my friends. I hope you're all thriving. In spite of the fact that the White House is literally being torn down.
Speaker:Everything's fine. Everything is fine.
Speaker:Okay, everyone close your eyes. Take a deep breath in.
Speaker:Hold it. Let that check out.
Speaker:I will see you next week.
Speaker:Very good, Jeffrey.
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